girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
