Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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