dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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