just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
