State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
