Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
