i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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