fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
