I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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