I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
