My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
