he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
