New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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