oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
