if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
