So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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