Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
