I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize