I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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