i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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