I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she looked like the before picture.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
