I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
