Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I forget how to act sober
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
