imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
