My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
