My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're like the curious george of whores
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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