Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she peed on how many people?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
