It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
