Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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