I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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