I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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