and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
