He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
