24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
