remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it hurts more in the daytime
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
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