Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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