A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
