do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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