FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
