I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
