Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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