but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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