ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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