dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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