I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
