did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
