I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
