Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
