Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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