Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
