I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
