his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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