your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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