my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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