she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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