you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
