no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
