My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I still have a little drunk in my system
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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