nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
