i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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