exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
