Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
