No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
